Torchwood

I had the good fortune tonight to see a preview screening of Auntie Beeb’s glamorous new Cardiff/Alien/Bisexuality trifecta Torchwood, the much-anticipated (amongst those who anticipate this sort of thing, by which I mean me) Doctor Who spin-off.

A brief summary: it’s good stuff.

I’ll get the not-so-good out of the way first: the cheapness shows occasionally. Not in the quality of what you see on screen – which mostly looks gorgeous in High-Def (thankyou, BBC screening people!) – but what you don’t.

TorchwoodShots are often tightly framed, awkwardly so on occasions, there are obvious cutaways or short-cuts on some of the more panoramic shots, and the whole thing never quite gets to take its time to compose enough of the iconic, lovingly-framed images that you’d like to see. Basically, they’ve done an amazing job on their budget, but they’ve done just a good enough job that you miss the kickass cinematography they’ve kind of lead you to expect. A good fault, I suppose, if it is a fault. Seeing it shortly after Children Of Men probably doesn’t do it any favours, as well.

Also: the editing and soundtrack are a bit too self-consciously yoof; this means a bit too much in the way of throbbing electronic noises and unnecessary edit effects, all of which seem about four years out of date. But hey.

And it’s very much Episode 1. It’s a pilot, which is odd, because it didn’t have to go through a pilot stage. It spends most of its time introducing you to the characters and set-up, and integrating the outsider into the group, and all that stuff you know they have to do but you’ve seen it before. But they do it reasonably gracefully.

Now, the good stuff: Eve Myles is great. Fantastic leading lady, looks like a real human being, and can act proper like. If you remember her from The Unquiet Dead (Doctor Who, Series 1/27, Ep. 3, to its friends) you’ll know that she’s great. She still is.

Captain Jack. They do an outrageous sci-fi-woo thing with Captain Jack. If you thought that bit of hand-grows-back! ret-conning in The Christmas Invasion was cheeky, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Seriously. But he’s still the Jack we know, still an omnisexual con-man from the 51st century (how he got to Cardiff in 2007 is not yet explained), and man, does he know how to wear a long, flappy coat while standing on top of buildings for no apparent reason. Members of Torchwood seem to conduct an unreasonable amount of their business on the tops of buildings, often in rather awkward spots. The logistics of this, I’m fuzzy on; but the helicopter shots are stunning.

Speaking of which, there was a wee speech before the screening, which included the phrase “they made Cardiff look like LA”. I was sceptical, but good God in heaven – it looks amazing from the air. The Cardiff tourist board must be doing one in their trousers.

The rest: the Torchwood team look sound, with one particularly intriguing character and several other potential growers. It’s pleasingly dark at moments, especially the bits involving death. There’s a cool-looking alien race living in Cardiff’s sewers, there are some very nice guns, and there’s swearing. Seriously, it’s a shock to hear swearing in a Doctor Who show. You’ve always known that it was ludicrous, that nobody ever entered the Tardis and just said “fucking hell”. But hearing somebody actually swear, casually, on a Doctor Who-verse show? It’s a pleasant jolt to the system.

As Armand points out that I pointed out: it’s Angel. It really is, for all their publicity talk of “The X-Files meets This Life” – formerly dead American leading man in a long coat moves to a major city to the west and leads an investigation agency? Angel. That’s not a problem. Russell T Davies has always been open about his love for Joss Whedon; and if he and his team can do with Torchwood what Angel did to the Buffyverse, then there could be many happy (but daaaark) seasons of Welsh alien-hunting ahead. Certainly, I’m looking forward to seeing where they take it in episode 2 – their first ‘proper’ episode – on Sunday…

posted on October 20, 2006 at 12:41 am in TV

A frightful hobgoblin is stalking the LSE

So, a little deserved mockery heads the way of the LSE’s Dr. Oliver Curry and his “study” (coughcoughbollockscough) about the – drum roll, please – FUTURE EVOLUTION OF HUMANITY. In case you missed it, his two-month “study” predicts that in 1,000 years, people will have become coffee-coloured giants, and that in 100,000 years, humanity will have split into two species, one a race of tall, healthy, intelligent beings and the other into “dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures”.

Now, needless to say, this is a load of made-up-on-the-spot cock, and if Dr. Curry actually billed Bravo TV – who commissioned the “research” as a promotional stunt – for two months work then, well, good luck to him. Any attempt at predicting evolutionary trends so far ahead is so unreliable as to be meaningless, even when you don’t have to factor in little things like “will our society have collapsed?” or “will we still be living on the same planet?”

Of course, it got oodles of media coverage – it’s currently the most emailed story on the BBC, living up to their usual non-standards of science reporting – so everybody’s happy. Well, Dr. Curry and Bravo are, at least.

(more…)

posted on October 18, 2006 at 11:37 pm in Sci/Tech

I’m in ur society, influencin ur principles

See? See? See what I bloody mean? Just when you think that the news can’t get any dafter, and that the lizard-brain gibberings of distressingly important people can’t get any more asinine, Ruth Kelly tells us that we have to be on the lookout for secretive extremist religious groups infiltrating our society and influencing people’s thinking.

Ruth.

Kelly.

Depressing news I can take. Infuriating news I positively revel in. But this slow, crushing mudflow of deadening, humourless thickness spewing out into out lives like that freaky thing in Indonesia, it just makes you want to spend the rest of your days banging your head against a table and moaning “fuckshitty fuck nubbin cockslapping twat bollocks oooh er spunk in yer face missus” over and over again until you get quietly taken away to recuperate in Guernsey.

The problem is not so much the grindingly painful ironies of it all, and the rehtorical question that springs immediately to mind – namely, “didn’t she have someone advising her who could spot that this perhaps isn’t the wisest speech to give, the day after you’ve been accused of blocking legislation simply because the church you’re a notoriously fundamentalist member of told you it doesn’t think gays deserve hotel rooms?”

No, the problem comes from the very strong feeling that you could probably take Kelly, and her advisers, and sit them down and explain it to them calmly and at length… and they still wouldn’t understand.

posted on October 16, 2006 at 8:06 pm in Grumpy, News, Politics

The lapse of the blogs

HEY YOU KNOW I THINK MAYBE I SHOULD START POSTING HERE MORE OFTEN. THAT WOULD BE GOOD!

It’s been a bit quiet round here of late – sorry about that. The usual reasons. Busy at work, uncommon tiredness, an overwhelming sense of sodden ennui at the trivialities of modern life hanging damp and heavy like an autumn fog…

Basically, every time I’ve thought about writing anything, I think about the issue a bit, consider it from all angles, toy with a few choice and witty phrases, then decide that I don’t care about it in the slightest and I wish nothing but misery and pestilence upon all of humanity for having the sheer, tedious, petty-minded fuckwaddery to think it’s important in the first place. The only thing that actually stirred my interest was the idea of abolishing limbo – which struck me as being unaccountably funny – but then the Pope didn’t actually make a decision, leaving both the word, the place and my blog-post about limbo, in, ironically, limbo. The rat bastard.

Anyway, that’s what’s been happening. So there. More writing, I assure you, will happen soon. Probably.

posted on October 16, 2006 at 12:08 am in Non-specific, Site