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Take a deep breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax.

Go to your happy place.

There is an ocean. You feel calm. A sunset paints the rolling sand-dunes in shades of red and gold. The distant sound of children laughing. Birds float and swoop in the sky, glittering shoals of fish can be seen beneath the surface of the crystal waters, and walking along the beach towards you, wearing a wide-brimmed straw hat and a sarong, is Home Office Minister Andy Burnham.

Andy approaches you. “Are you Andy Burnham?” you say, and in response he hands over a number of documents that verify his nature. As he passes these to you, a smile of great joy and satisfaction shimmers across his face, and he is bathed in a beatific light from all about. Two small birds fly down and perch on his outstretched arm, and sing the sweetest songs into his ear. A stoat blushes and flutters its eyelashes. Andy then says the following:

“I take the view that it is part of being a good citizen, proving who you are, day in day out.”

Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax.

You are in your happy place.

(more…)

…THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE PLANES.

BBC captions for photos of the Commonwealth opening ceremony, or drug-crazed techno-surrealist dream sequence?

“The Queen and Prince Phillip arrive at the Opening Ceremony for the 18th Commonwealth Games. Metal fishes illuminate the Yarra River and spray water into the sky, as the ceremony splurges outside of the ground. As the ceremony proceeds, a flying Melbourne tram enters the arena in front of 80,000 spectators. A boy takes part in an amusing and magical adventure which includes a giant koala and a toy duck. Ballerinas then fly above the lit-up stadium before fireworks shower out from jets attached to their feet. The Queen’s message opens with; ‘We celebrate the value of sport as a means of bringing together people from 71 nations’. Delta Goodrem sings amidst glittering fireworks which are set off from in-line skaters’ trailing sparks.”

This Is Just To Say

We have deleted
the files
that were on
your hard drive

and which
you were probably
saving
for posterity

Forgive us
we’re complete arseholes

I think I mentioned there being “other battles” a while back. Yes, that was specifically in reference to the fight for liberty as applied to party political divisions, but… as a more general thing…

Creationism to be in GCSE papers

The BBC may begin to charge for international users of bbc.co.uk (also: Media Guardian, reg req)

Little things, yes. Little things, that will become big things. Very big things. There’s an Education Bill coming up that’ll give greater freedom to special interest groups to run schools. The BBC White Paper is out early next week.

Other. Battles.

(more…)