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Honestly, you wait ages for a large body circling the sun in an irregular orbit beyond Pluto, then two come along all at once…

Of course, finding a “tenth planet” is the second most predictably regular science story in the world, right after some divtard saying that he’s found the location of Atlantis. The Kuiper belt’s full of the buggers. Quaoar, Sedna, Orcus, and a load of other little so-and-sos playing peekaboo with the Oort clouds.

So welcome to the party, 2003 UB313 and 2003 EL61! Let’s just hope that at least one of you, finally, gets called “Rupert”…

“The leadership of Óglaigh na hÉireann has formally ordered an end to the armed campaign. This will take effect from 4pm this afternoon. All IRA units have been ordered to dump arms, and… ach, who are we kidding? We give up. We just can’t compete with all yous Muslim lads.

Since the Dáil first recognised its legitimacy in 1916, the Irish Republican Army has been steadfast and committed to fighting the British oppressors and occupiers. We have not wavered from our purpose. But you know, when a new bunch of guys come along to shake things up, often the old timers just need to step aside gracefully. More to the point, we’re pretty damn scared, and we’re just hoping that if we stay really quiet they’ll not notice us.

I mean, Jesus, they blow themselves up on purpose. Our lads only ever did that by accident.

The Army Council reaffirms our undying commitment to a united Ireland, as is overwhelmingly supported by the people of Ireland. We also reaffirm that we’d appreciate it if the Secret Organisation Group of al-Qaida of Jihad Organisation in Europe could keep their focus pretty much on the British Mainland. Please. We’re fine over here. Protestants we can deal with. But you lot… feckin’ hell.

London. London. Hold that thought.

I swear, if Eamon de Valera had got a load of your suicide bombers there, he’d have had an accident in his trousers.

Is fearr filleadh as lár an áthe ná bá sa tuile.”

…hello, sailor.

Nice suit. Nice sneakers, as well. Just, generally, a good look. Very… Doctory.

Also, good to see they’re using forced perspective to turn Billie Piper into a hobbit. It’s a brave move, but one that I think could work well.

More nice pictures here, all in glorious hobbitvision.

Following today’s new terror attacks on the London transport system, the government is expected to announce an alteration to the terrorism alert scale, in order to “take into account the lameness of this latest attack.”

Britain is currently in Condition Green, or “Feeble Threat: small to medium chance of somebody noticing”, with the exception of Lord’s cricket ground, which is at Orange. 21/7 – Never forget whatever the hell it was happened

Grafitti spotted on a toilet door, last night:

“THE CONDITION OF EXISTENCE IS GLORIOUS”

To which someone had added, underneath:

“The existence of Gloria is conditional”

A small piece of Found Art, which I am provisionally entitling “Slightly drunk on BBC News late shift, supervisor gone home, seeing what they can get away with”:

(story)

The Grauniad are running a nicely cheeky competition to tie in with the imminent arrival of Potter6. Fed up with all the “oh, but which major character’s going to die?” malarkey, they’ve decided the rumours are true and that Dumbledore will be shuffling off fairly shortly. They want readers to pre-empt the book, and provide about 300 words of Dumbledore’s death, in the style of a famous, non-Rowling writer.

Naturally, my entry utterly failed to be either a) prose, or b) 300 words long:

This Is Just To Say

I have killed
the wizard
who was in
your novels

and whose death
you were probably
saving
for book seven

Forgive me
he had it coming
so beardy
and so old
*